Brain Switches

I just slept for 7 and 1/2 hours. While this may not be a newsflash to you, it was heaven to me. At least, a heaven that I would prefer to participate in nightly.

I don't know if you have this problem, but this is getting absolutely ridiculous. My Girl and I have no kids, it's just us and our brains in this house. Our brains, I think, is where the problem lies. My Girl has always had an issue with switching off her brain so her body can sleep. When we first started dating, I had no idea what "I didn't sleep good." really meant. What it meant was "I got to watch you while you were SLEEPING! ALL NIGHT!!" I know now (nine years later) that this is a sucky thing. Honey, I officially apologize for not realizing how much of a sucky thing this is.

My problem is now, because of marriage and how you eventually adopt your spouse's bad habits as your own bad habits, my brain switch is now busted. I have recently informed My Girl as to my feelings about this matter. Her response of "Now you know what it's like!" wasn't really what I was looking for. A little sympathy might have been nice. A little, "Awww, my poor baby." But no. I got me. I got how I reacted to her after she didn't sleep well. Hmm. Tactical error spanning 9 years, maybe?*

My Brain Switch used to work beautifully. I spent three years as an U.S. Army Airborne Ranger. I slept on the side of a hill that was so steep, my feet were braced on a friendly tree to prevent me from sliding DOWN the hill while I was sleeping. I woke up feeling a "little tired, but mostly OK." I once slept on a rock the size of my fist one night. I woke up feeling great! I only noticed it AFTER I packed my sleeping roll the next morning. I pointed it out to my Ranger Buddy and said "Wow! I must've been REALLY tired last night!" My Brain Switch worked, people! I wanted to go to sleep, I hit the switch, BANG!, it's tomorrow morning. It as magnificent!. If someone placed a mushy pea beneath my mattress now, I'd have a stiff back and proportionately crabby attitude. I'm a guy.

NOW, I hit The ol' Brain Switch, and suddenly, it's time to start planning tomorrow. Going over lists in my head to make sure I remember (Heh) what I want to do tomorrow. I've mentioned before that my memory doesn't work. My Girl is of the opinion that it doesn't really exist and that it's rather like Bigfoot or the Tooth Fairy. It may have been there at one time, but what has it done for her lately? So WHY am I wasting time on what I know is fruitless exercise? My memory (Heh) works just like a bucket with a hole in the bottom. You end up with residue.

My Girl is beautiful when she sleeps,** but on the whole, I'd rather not be aware of her beauty for more than 15 seconds at 2:30am. Or 3:45 am. Or, as it happened the night before last, from 2:23am to 5:30am. I get up at 5:30 am. That is a really sucky thing. That means that I got a whopping 4.5 hours of sleep. Add that to the 4 hours of sleep the night before, the 3 - 3.5 hours of sleep I got the night before that and I wind up with 11.5 - 12 out of 96 hrs of noticing how beautiful My Girl really is. She's a Hottie. She's All That. I married her because I KNOW THIS ALREADY!! I WANT TO GO TO SLEEP, DAMMIT!!

But, that is in the distant past (Not My Girl's hottieness, just my noticing at inopportune moments) I just got 7 and 1/2 hours of sleep. And I only had to pee once which doesn't count.


* For those concerned - I've recognized the error of my ways and now spend time in empathy.
** For that matter, she's pretty darn cute when she's awake too, but that's another blog.