"I 'Noopy!"

I remember singing these words. Here’s why:

I remember that singing this song always seemed to happen on the car rides. They could be long car rides, short car rides, the song could take place anywhere, but it usually occurred on our longer trips to/back from Sturgis. Literally the only bit of the song that I remember Mom, Big Bro and Twissy singing is “I’m Hardrock, I’m Castle(?), I’m Joe…”. That’s it. I couldn’t tell you then, or even now, if the subjects of the song are people, dogs, or friendly houseplants. I didn’t really pay attention to that part because it wasn’t the important bit to me. I just remember that I was feeling VERY left out on this particular sing-a-long and had desperately wanted to participate in it for some time because it looked like fun!

Whenever that song happened, Mom smiled, Big Bro smiled, and Twissy smiled. Heck, now and then even Dad smiled after this song! Dad’s never smiled! At least, our Dad didn’t. Well, not when he was driving anyway.

One of the many things I’ve learned from my Dad is that there were an amazing number of Stupid Heifers out on the road. Stupid Idiots almost always seemed to accompany them, but that generally wasn’t a smiley kind of knowledge.

I wasn’t certain if Stupid Heifers knew of this Hardrock song or not. Maybe if they did know about the song they’d only be Heifers. Another thing I didn’t know was if being a Stupid Heifer was better or worse than just being a Heifer. What the heck was a Heifer and how did they get to drive a car, anyway? (As I’m older now and supposedly all grown up, I understand that this is probably an answer that our Dad would be interested in also.) But there were all three (Stupid Heifers, Heifers, and Stupid Idiots) driving the other cars, Stupid Heifers being the worst of the three.

On family trips, Dad’s would also every now and then mention that “If he had to stop this car”… well, let’s just say that singing would not be on the menu. At least, not singing with any close attention to lyrics, style or tune. This little bit of clearly identifiable reality was usually injected into the big highlights or lowlights of the trip (the determination of the ‘light’ status usually depended on who was getting teased, me or someone else).

Big Bro and Twissy took great pains to insure that I understood (i.e. stopped whatever it was I was doing) because they’d been down that particular Stop before and hadn’t really enjoyed the trip. They always did what was necessary to get it through my thick skull that “If I have to stop this car” was Dadspeak for ‘Sore butt’. In particular, I remember seeing strained smiles and some very intense looks followed by a hand gripping whatever part of me was causing trouble. Usually what followed the hand gripping part were the words “Brett, he’s serious. Stop messing around. You really don’t want him to ‘Stop This Car’.”

Anyway, I was fairly sure there was a rule somewhere that said, “Dad’s don’t smile when they’re driving.” Dad’s did a lot of other things while they were driving, but smiling didn’t seem to rate high on the list of Things To Do While Driving. So if Dad smiled, then this Hardrock thing must be a GREAT song!

But, if it was so great, then just why couldn’t I sing part of it? I failed to see any logical reason why this must be. Especially considering that after everyone had sang their part, they laughed and laughed! What a Great Song that song must be!

There I sat, grinning from ear to ear trying to wait patiently for when it would be my turn to sing, when all three of them would look at me and wait for me to sing my verse. It really didn’t matter to me that I had no clue what the words were to the song; I was willing to give it my best shot anyway. They seemed to know all the words and I certainly would have preferred to know them, but I saw no reason why I should let that hold me back from joining in. It was after all a Great Song.

It sounded like there was always a chorus, but that was just “I’m Hardrock…” and it was NEVER my turn! I began wishing that I knew the words so that I could laugh too! So, how can I participate? Think, think, think. Aha! I needed a name. I’d make it my favoritist name in the whole world…thinkthinkthink…a name that could fit right in and not be noticed…thinkthinkthink…but would allow me to participate too. Hmmmmmmm…thinkthinkthink… After giving it a lifetimes worth of thought (at least 5 or 6 seconds), I had it! I was able to develop my very own favorite name (because everyone else had obviously already picked their favorite name right???). I was ready, I was (impatiently) waiting for the song to begin, I could now fully participate! WooHOO!!!

I’m ready. Mom starts the song because she knows how to do that. Mom sings “I’m Hardrock”, I wait my turn, Big Bro sings “I’m Castle”, I’m really clued in now, my turn’s coming up soon! Twissy sings “I’m Joe.” Then it’s my turn, the laughing hasn’t begun yet, and the smiles are just beginning, NOW! Sing NOW!.....