Twissy!

My Twister came by for the weekend. She had a chance to get away from it all and visit for a couple of days, so she hopped on a train and came on by. We laughed, we hugged, we talked deep. There were no tears, there was no sadness, there may have been a little angst, but hey, what really good conversation doesn’t have a little angst? The kind when you really bare your soul and see what’s lurking down there, waiting to be shared? It was a great, communicative weekend. We had a blast.

We also watched Bridget Jones II as it’s a favorite of My Girl’s and Twissy hadn’t seen it yet. I’m a sucker for a romantic comedy (the ‘comedy’ MUST be present otherwise it’s way too much of a chick flick and I lose interest). We were joined by My Girl’s friend, Twiggs, who had decided to share her magnificent purchase of Effen Vodka. Thanks Twiggs! It was awesome. (If you like smooth vodka, try Effen! Yes, that’s the real name.)

All was going well, I was insulting Colin Firth, who currently rules supreme in My Girl’s Do List* and the girls were all insulting me. It’s a fair trade and much enjoyed by all the participants.

The thing with Colin Firth is, well,..he’s good. He’s really good, but don’t tell My Girl I said that. What chance do I have against him? Let’s see…I’m overweight, losing my hair, for every dollar he’s got, I have 1/1000th of a penny, and…um…oh yes, I look/act/behave absolutely nothing like Mr. Darcy with his smoldering eyes and reticent stare. My eyes are apparently not so smolder-y as just bloodshot and maybe a little watery. My stare on the other hand, makes My Girl itch.† My glasses probably don’t help either. So, because I’ve got WAY more than three strikes against me, I do what any red-blooded American male does.

I tell her he’s gay** at every opportunity.

I figure it’s the only shot I’ve got at keeping My Girl as MY girl. Because if she ever DOES meet him, I will be yesterday’s news and promptly tossed into the white-trash can. She’ll be phoning in the Do List report somewhere between England and the Greek Islands from his private jet on her way to a thrilling new lifestyle. By my labeling him as gay, see, she’ll think about it at the opportune moment and voila! Suddenly Mr. Balding, Overweight, Middle Aged Guy with No Cool Vacation Plans and no real bank account doesn’t look so bad! It’s GENIUS!
Alright, fine. It’s stupid, but cut me some slack here. He’s Colin Freaking Firth for crying out loud.

All the previous was mentioned so that I could tell you this one thing: We’re watching the movie and an early scene show’s Colin running romantically in slow motion across a field of wheat towards Bridget. The camera time the guy gets for this one scene could easily have been replaced with a reading of War and Peace. By Mel Tillis (he stutters).

I pipe up with “No straight man runs like that.” Much to the amusement of Twissy and Twiggs, My Girl dryly replied; “Have you seen yourself run?”



* Do List – A short list of famous people who if you run across in your life, you’re allowed to “do”. No harm, no foul, story must be shared and everyone is happy at your good fortune.

† - I tried ‘the stare’ once and “success” doesn’t describe her reaction. “Falling down laughing” may but it’s my blog and against all appearances I do have some dignity left.

** Gay – Not that there’s anything wrong with that.